August 3, 1995 (#2) (and before ...)

Those charming boys at Yahoo.com found me. I can only imagine the feds will be next. I must work harder on my disguise but popularity seeks me out where'er I goe!

But seriously my little champagne cocktails, I have been slayed by Yahoo. I must protest. "The exciting life story of a drag-queen systems analyst on the run from the law"! So common, it's true, but I am sooo much more. Love all of me to know me, don't focus on the obvious but instead, I say obfuscate!

That's enough of that, I tire and still have so much to say.

Settling in well. The dog, demoted due to high level of crankiness, has continued to pant as if he were earning money for it. Silly dog.

Mr. Jewel's latest Broadway outing took him to How To Suc or some other fantasy. He really is so sweet to keep me informed. The desert ballet's corps just doesn't measure up to the standards to which I am accustomed. But the little dears do dance as if their lives depended it which makes for an arresting display.

My sister's child, Zach, possibly quite nearby, and yet I fear he is running from someone or something quite sinister. He blames everything on my dear sister's cooking. (While no James Beard, she makes a mean layered vegetable terrine.) Like me, he will not divulge his location which makes for a randy mystery and we all know I love a mystery man. Alas, he is family. Not that kind, girls.

The neighbors, Jack and Mary, something quite familiar. The other residents of our little Parc des Maisons Mobiles are all such fun. I told them about the big city rave of chocolate martinis, and my lovely little dears, they introduced me to an "Upside Down Margarita"! Imagine, such a production and practical strangers putting things in your open mouth, oh how Trudy of me!

That horrible little girl who plagues me constantly with her literature and prose. She is making a mockery of all that is decent and how I want her for it. Not only has she decided that I am her mother, (and my posies, modern science raises and eyebrow to THAT) but she fixates on that deluded minor who crossed state lines with her gym teacher because she loved him. I wanted to run off with my gym teacher! And we had a No Tell Motel in town.

I have got to get the airconditioning fixed. I am constantly damp, and where there's dampness there's ... Stop me before I break a nail.

Speaking of damp, Signore Palermo pens again. Even his pen is muscular. Ahh, if only I were a bit younger and a few other things.

Not to worry about would be's, my lovely diary. As you well know, I've lead a full and versatile life up to this point and I have every intention of continuing. I will be leaving the desert for a short jaunt back to the old hometown. Oh my papa, he is turning 80 (no secret this!) and I the prodigal gender-confused child will be attending the soiree that my hideous siblings are forcing on me. They have all been told that I must be incognito, the uninvited guest nobody knows, and thankfully, they have assented. To help along this charade, I will be catering the party in order to mingle, yet not attract attention.

From there I pack up my little desert caboose and off to sunburned Los Angeles where my bestest friend since I was seven is getting married. She is a lawyer, and so is he, AND they're straight. I am to be a bridesmaid, lovely coral pink dresses and this fits in perfectly with my disguise. So many parties too and maybe even a mariachi, OLE!

Hasta la vista
Muchachos y muchachas
Tacos al carbon para todos!