These are all my calling cards from the very first, oh so many prescriptions ago. Page away and maybe even send me something nostalgic. If your life begins to whirl about you and everything seems to start closing in and babies begin to appear with pigs tails, perhaps you'd better get back to a safe place.

[Go back, I'm getting all teary.]

Can you give me Paul Rudnick's e-mail address if one is available? I have read all his stuff that I could get ahold of and just adored his writing. I would love to let him know in "person". Thanks

[You sweet thing, you know that I could never give out private information no matter how much you might beg, see above message, but do be a dear and skip over to Jeffrey and find out all the public information on Monsieur Rudnick -T]

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My best wishes to Lance, and to you, nothing,
(anonymous)

If love is a highway, I am your pit stop. I thought I knew what a desert night could be but I was wrong. You've shown me that now. I'm putting my hair up in curlers and getting out the fine china. Don't make me beg....

[Lovey, I could never make you beg, but I would love to see you on your knees... -T]

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I'm sending you all my money,
Eager

A note from PAWS/Maine. Love it!I do not feel so far away now. Charlie-

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I'm sending you my lover,
(anonymous)

COULD YOU GO FOR A SQUISHY WHITE BOY EX-ROADIE BREEDER LIKE ME?

[What exactly is the squishy part, and how squishy is it? And, dear, there is no need to shout - I know you are on AOL but please try to keep up appearances. -T]

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My best wishes to Lance, and to you, nothing,
(anonymous)

How a word processor and an office manager in a RESPECTABLE San Francisco law firm are supposed to get their work done with such HEADY distractions as the amusing rants of the delicious Mr. Jewel, I don't know.

[Lovely bureaucrats, I unfortunately directed this to Mr. Jewel for BRIEF response, ah ... -T]

[While it is for Trudy I write my little notes (my dear, dear friend Trudy!)I cannot deny that having your prying eyes scanning my prose is rathergratifying. I have no doubt that you are the beautiful grandson I amdestined never to have - biology, you know - but sharing my petit bon motswith you makes us family - don't you think? And so, my precious cog in thelegal system, all my love and respect. You Know Who would send his regards,but he's off taking care of -- things. I'm off to the theatre... Ta...- Mr. J]

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Bite me,
(anonymous)

This is a great scholarly resource!

But where are the footnotes?

Prof. Kenneth Sherrill * Department of Political Science Hunter College, CUNY

[* Dear Professor, but darling, what is your drag name? Shall I speak to my cousin Totie on your scholarly behalf? -T]

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Pretentiously Mine,
KSS

Shall you be attending the Morning Party ? We do so hope you can find some local teen to sit the furry monster... The meat rack is just not the same w/o you and yours (in fact it is somewhat improved).

[My dear, dear, dear Isabella, how is Columbus getting on. I felt compelled to respond to your lovely greeting. Billy says 'tuppa-tino' from beyond -T]

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Love your hat, call you Thursday,
Isabella Rotinni

stopped by the old stomping grounds, mais malheureusment, tous n'est pas chez vous! Quel dommage! In any case, am off with the latest and greatest for a sordid tour of the seamier spots of the Sandwich Islands. Could you find it in your heart (or whatever it is that keeps your blood moving on its circuitous journey through that temple of a body) to water my plants & feed the guppies while I'm gone? (That's the fish, darling, not the lawyer couple next door -- I'm sure they'll fend for themselves)

A thousand kisses, a million thanks, and a subscription to Undergear, darling.

[Ciao bella, come vai, and hold the mayo. Aq, delighted to know that you will finally be taking some time to repair the ravages of time. I expect a full report. As for the guppies, so sorry, 'les poissons' traumatize me -T]

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If you need anything, I'm unlisted,
Aquanetta di Seraglio

Sweetest Trudy-blossom, Faerie Queene, angel of the wicked, wicked Web. I faint; I am melting away! You are the one, the fated one, through whose cunning we find ourselves, at long, blessed last . . . dynamically (sigh) linked.

[My web is not wicked, just cunning. Regarding your linkage, please send pictures (Oh, Ms. Hoover, I didn't say that) -T]

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I'm sending you my lover,
(anonymous)

I am a swamp gas come to life looking for an attractive anomaliy interested in good conversation and long wafts in the park. Please respond...

[Chester, perhaps you should avoid matches. -T]

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If you need anything, I'm unlisted,
Chester Drawers

[Hit Me!]