Yesterday or Tomorrow

Today

It must be my canine lack-of-insight, not to mention these cataracts, but I'm having a hell of a time distinguishing the difference between the photographers accused of hounding the poor Diana, and the news media that is now covering this event as if Martians had landed on the right bank of the Seine last Sunday morning. Let's see, what's the difference between the photographers taking pictures of the wrecked car and CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, BBC, XYZ, etc. broadcasting hours of any shot they can scrape up on anybody even remotely associated with the event. We're arguing Purina versus Chuck Wagon here. These are the same lofty news-reporters who hounded Richard Jewel, the "Olympic bomber," and ruined his life. The same journalists who thrust their cameras into the faces of grieving mothers in Oklahoma City, who whipped the public into a frenzy about TWA 700 (aren't the airports still on extra alert?), and who have played along with the Diana frenzy all along until the Mercedes hit the wall on Sunday. Quite frankly, the whole thing gives me gas.

Now we have to hear hands wringing and crocodile tears shed - 24 hours a day, on every channel! What really moistens my chops is to watch how all of the anchors are trained to smile and look sexy even while they report all of the "boo hoo" factoids. I haven't seen so many smiling teeth and gums since my last encounter with the spaniel family next door. No detail is too gruesome, no anecdote too sad to preempt a sexy look, a bedroom glance or undulation of the lips. Even the tired, old queen who was anchoring for the local UPN affiliate in New York City (reporting live from London all this week! Thank god) managed a rugged smile through every second of his sentimental blather.

That's the most disgusting part of this whole tragedy: watching the big-monied, multi-national paparazzi sob and wring while they lick up every drop of blood they can sniff. As a dog, I prefer the plain honest appearance of claws, bared fangs and saliva. Save the sheep's clothing, just gets blood all over it.

Speaking of stains...

Bowel Report
The steriods have been great! I feel like a 10 year old, except that I can't seem to stop drinking water which of course brings about other necessities. So far I've managed to conceal my leakage in areas that Trudy won't suspect, but if we get one warm moist day - I'll probably be moving to Peoria.

You can write to me, if you must, at lancelot@datalounge.com