Don't cry for me Argentina! May 20, 1996 (and more)
Dear Everyone!

Thank you all for the countless calls (OK, four) and e-mails to confirm my whereabouts last week!

I was feeling a little giddy one night in the trailer and I was concerned that my poor friends in London would be without "sane" meat for another week. So I said to myself "Self, what can you do to help these poor people? What assistance can you offer?" I thought and thought about what to do? It came to me in a flash of inspiration, where would one go that would have good BEEF, be safe and fun? What would Madonna do in this position? Why, ARGENTINA! Of course!

I put down my cocktail and called Rolohantas. She waved her magic SABRE (I love when she does that!) and could indeed get me there and back. I thought, hey, since I was going to buy a new outfit at the Banana Republic, that I should enjoy the adventure so I included Peru and Boliva, just for the heck of it (and the BEEF!)

Well my little tribe! It was very interesting it is far to much detail to go into here (I will lose several Press-On's trying to type all of this). So once again I have assembled my thoughts for you all:

Verlene's Thoughts on South America!

Peru:

1. "Five Star" in Peru is a subjective term
2. Cocoa tea is indeed WONDERFUL and does not taste at all of Chocolate...hmmm...what are cocoa leaves?
3. Don't stand near the railroad tracks, you may get peed upon!
4. Red lights only SUGGEST a "stop". Except to Taxis, where they mean nothing!
5. If your mother eats the raw fish and gets sick...it is her fault and you should NOT feel guilty! Her moaning will eventually quiet down.
6. Macchupicchu is indeed wondrous, except at 6:00 AM after a bus ride from hell.
7. There is NO such thing as a "baby" tarantula.
8. Llamas SPIT!
9. French people are rude all over the world.

Bolivia:

1. Silver is cheap, except as a hair color.Red is definately a cheap there!
2. You can forget haggling. Do you REALLY need more leather?
3. Cat's Blood is not good for ANYTHING that ails MOI!
4. Three steps....rest....three steps...rest...yes it is 13,000 feet in the air (unlike your two).

Argentina:

1. Aren't we in Paris?
2. Great! Furs are still trendy, my best rabbit coat is coming the next time.
3. Great Beef, great beef, GREAT beef...did I tell you about the beef? Wait, I am vegetarian...not here!
4. Madonna....phuuuut...Viva Santa EVITA!
5. How, exactly, does one damage one's uvula?
6. Those little white lines in the street that we Americans like to stay between, mean NOTHING in Buenos Aires!
7. Are you sure we are not in Paris?
8. It is 00:40 AM and people are starting dinner? My macaroni and cheese would be long finished.
9. "No Fumar section" means that you do not have to smoke at YOUR table!
10. DIVINO! The word of the month....DIVINO!

South America in General:

1. Apparently those pesky laws of physics that can bring down a plane by using your Cellular phone/CD player below 10,000 feet do NOT apply here! Of course most of south America is above 10,000 feet anyway!
2. There is NO lady-like way of using a toothpick...NONE.
3. Small children can have their diaper changed at anytime on a flight!
4. Small children seem to eat an ENORMOUS amount of hummus, especially on a flight!
5. Time zones are arbitrary, time schedules are ludicrous.
6. My spanish sounds better after several Pisco Sours and Margaritas! Well, sounds better to me anyway.
7. X-ray machine salesmen have yet to discover this untapped market for security at airports!

To the local trailer community (and you know who you are!) In the words of the great one...

"...The Truth is I never left you
All through my wild days
My mad existance
I kept my promise
Don't keep your distance."

CIAO!