Oh the pain! The Pain! Let's take something for that... March 24, 1997 (and more)

Don't laugh. The old Verl Girl has decided to try something new and different. After seeing that handsome Mario Lopez, I decided that speedos were a lofty ambition. My current ones work great as leg warmers...but that is about all. It appears that most of my summer clothes have also managed to shrink while wintering in the closet. I really can't blame them, they are the only things in there!

So anyhow, it started last week with me taking a jog down to the mailbox and back. My cat kept up for most of the way and then waited as I sat in the driveway and caught my breath. I know that you are all wondering what the other members of the trailer park thought, but I waited until nearly 2:00 AM and I was heavily disguised in a scarf, chenille robe and matching Martina Wig.

After my demi-successful jog, I went to the gym, signed up for 6 months (that means I have to go more than once) and hit the weight room! I did not realize all of the gym rules, but have the following Verlene-Voyerisms:

  1. If you are cute, you must check the mirror about once every 3 minutes

  2. Ditto if you are muscular

  3. If you are both cute and muscular, you can just stand there and we will watch you.

  4. There is no where to plug in your blender

  5. No one has a light for your cigs

  6. Falling off of the stationary bike is a surefire way to let everyone know that you are drunk.

  7. If you are looking to pick up someone, wear an entirely color coordinated outfit

  8. Men in "Star Trek" shirts, and women with softball team shirts, will generally be ignored.

  9. Working out makes you ravenous. Keep a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts in the trunk of the car.
So there I was, all buffed, and ready for the world! Time for a quick shower (oh, 10 - do not hang out in the shower afterwards.) and a dash around town for the big Crape Myrtle Festival host party.

What was all of this yellow crap? Oh, no! Pollen! Thank goodness the good doctor was there (with Consuela!). A couple of allergy pills and one, maybe two, cocktails, later, I was showing Erika Sparkles exactly how to Meringue'. I was not the only one that saw the Halle-Berry-Bop comet...I love allergy pills! I did also remember to wish Sylvia a very happy birthday!

Ms. Zoom-Zoom, where were you? Or did you arrive after Thorabella started to pour wine?

I have to run, I have to pick out a color coordinated outfit for the gym tomorrow! Patty Heist, thank you for the lovely, lovely candle to “Our Lady of the Trailer Park”. I love little presents on the front stoop!

Bless and keep you all!
Very sore Verlene

P.S. HINT: AS every nun told me at the convent in my early years, Never wear patent leather shoes with a skirt!