There is such confusion in my power! June 22, 1997 (and more)
Why does everyone assume that North Carolina (Nort Cacolacki) is some back assward little podunk place with an evil Prince of Darkness as our senatorial representative?
OK, some of it is true. But he is not my representative. I do NOT like him and 49 out of 50 of the people here also dislike him.
Anyway, enough of politics, Mother taught me not to discuss this at the table...she also told me "never borrow a man's boat, car or wife"...well mother, I'll listen to one request...my choice. I digress.
People of the Park...help! What should I do? Should I wrap all my QVC figurines and head over to Asia or should I stay and continue my reign of terror on the backwoods of Raleighwood? Several of the boards that I reside on are graciously pushing me out next year (they think). I am sorry, but I have an opinion and I will dig my Cuban heels in, if you try and shove your prissy ass ways in my face (I bet you would never have guessed that about me, huh?)
Now would be a great time to leave? Marcia Zoom Zoom is has just been crowned the new Queen of the Trailer Park (I still retain the Queen Mother Title). Her winning ways left the judges a little nervous! She may join me on my world tour soon. I digress.
Could I live in a country where my sense of fashion and flare for the imaginative side of things, may land me on the wrong end of a shirtless man with a bamboo cane? I know that sounds quite appeasing to several of you perverts out there but you have to remember that very few things can be worn to match a set of welts.
On the other hand? Thailand is right around the corner where, for a few American dollars, you can have you choice of several "attendants" to give you that all important Thai Massage, pedicure and hair shampoo (I wonder if they do wigs?)
I could wander the beaches of the Asia-Pacific region, buying saris (fuchsia matches most of my cocktail choices), golden sandals, long drop earrings and wear my hair in a thick braid. Or, perhaps, a traditional kimono with my wide belt (obi) harnessing in my gut, in with a bow and traditional slippers with tabi (small white socks) and my shiny black hair wig pulled back with a simple pink bow. I digress.
I can see it now. Verlene running a big illegal chewing gum cartel. Important dealers from central America and Wrigleys would Fed-EX me anonymous packages loaded with tutti-frutti and spearmint. We would sit, Carlos, Juan and I, an conduct our business over a formal tea ceremony.
I wonder if Freedent would be allowed, since it does not stick to anything? Maybe, I could patent a gum that you can chew for 20 minutes and then swallow...very Willy Wonkerish! Oh, of course, why did I not think of this earlier...MENTOS!!!! I can make a fortune and be fresh and full of life! I'm, going.
What's this? E-Mail, fresh from Chipperlean! She Lives! I looked for her at the NC Pride March...convinced that she would be parked in front of the protesting Christians ("Crucifixion is not for Everyone", I learned) I must read this. Of course I did NOT, repeat...NOT, land up at the now bimonthly Fetish Party. Thorazine apparently) was quite a smash in her new (and now used) harness! I cannot keep up!
So what else have I been up to? Well, the Queen herself (HRH CMX XVI) invited me over to London for a quick trip. It was a lovely day, but only one day in the Isles! I did have a sample of Paella but not from the usual pot. I can tell you that the highlight of the trip was the flight back from London when Elaine Goddess, Donella, and her boyfriend, [the prettiest Doctor (MD and PhD thank you) this side of the Mississippi], and four cute, cute flight attendants and I had the entire first class cabin to ourselves. I will just let you know that there was nearly an underwear party going on at 37,000 feet! I got showered with grapes and Hungarian wine. Very bacchanalian! The Queen knows how to throw a party!
On a less pretentious note. Jennifer Underwear and a couple thousand of her best friends came through Raleighwood on Wednesday for the big NC/DC AIDS ride. Verl cried her mascara off at the start line but raised my martini glass in salute the to lycra clad nutty people who should be arriving in DC as I am writing. I can barely run to the mailbox to check for my "Daily Word" affirmation...I cannot imagine riding to DC...Ich, the sweat!
Well, time to get myself ready for a trip to Disneyland! Support your local anti-Baptist (Helms) organization!
I love you all.
Stay Sober, because I do! Especially you NashVegas Girls. Happy Birthday Ms. Marta!
(Trudy's note: Write to her a firstname.lastname@example.org and make her stay. No matter how you feel about it, living in a country/county where they don't appreciate you, is not good for your complexion. Just look at Jesse Helms. Verlene, heed my warning! This could be you! )