My little China Girls June 14, 1998 (and more)

Gone are the glamour days of travel! Gone, I tell you! I am certain that I have memories of my mother, sitting in the upper deck of a 747, next to a piano, knees pointed left, ankles crossed, bee-hive up, and aperitif in hand.

These glory days of travel a bygone era. Not that I do not try and recapture them! Things are bad, when you have to stop the little plane that you have chartered, to inform the Captain/Baggage Handler/Flight Attendant that he has "left the baggage door open". Imagine your Lancome and Eva Gabors raining down on some unsuspecting little villages. The Gods are indeed crazy.

Verlene has spent the last 2 months schlepping her hinny around the globe in various, cars, trains, "hoverferries", boats and planes. Do I get to lounge in the upper deck? I think not! Recently, I was stuck on EVA air with 283 of, now very friendly, Taiwanese. I was cramped, and not in a good way! I could BARELY lower my table to have dinner and do NOT MAKE A SINGLE COMMENT ABOUT THAT! I am not in the mood! It's all water retention I tell you!

So where have I been? Not to London to visit the Queen, but I have been visiting China(You know, with Cindy off of the scene, one can always hope to catch Richard's eye). What a cooky place.

For those of you who are thinking of entering the country, please note: read the sign warning you that it is "Strictly forbid to convey and consign Skeleton and goods that are burning, explosive, radioactive, harmful, smelly and so on" - end quote.

Glamour, Glamour, where has it all gone?

I get to my hotel room and the warning "drostituting, whoring, gambling and drug taking and so on are all against the law." And I thought Singapore was bad! Jeeeeze! I wonder what a Drostitute is? Rules, Rules, Rules.

I love the guidebook that only references Tian'anmen Sq as having "born witness to many major political and historical events that describe he decline and resurgence of China". They had not met Ms. Verlene! Tian'anmen was a veritable delight for me!

I was looking around when I saw these cool pins at the Mausoleum of Chairman Mao. I used all of my Mandarin skills and beat the poor little girl down to 15RMB (about $2US) and was just about to pick my pin from the sheet of pins when I realized that I had bought the ENTIRE sheet of pins!

So now I have 12 pins,

• Chairman Mao Happy
• Chairman Mao Cold
• Chairman Mao giving a Speech
• Chairman Mao Waving
• Chairman Mao writing
• Chairman Mao Young
• Chairman Mao Reading
• Chairman Mao In the Garden
• Chairman Mao with the Troops
• Chairman Mao Grinning
• Chairman Mao VERY young soldier

• Chairman Mao in a "I cannot believe I am in Hawaii" stupid hat.

On leaving the market, this little TWIT of a rickshaw driver pulls his rickshaw right in front of my path, to stop me from walking with all of my shopping bags. However, I did the unexpected Chinese thing and JUST KEPT WALKING. Knocked his tiny 40 KG butt and flimsy little rickshaw right over, not even looking back. You learn to ignore the little screams that you hear when they realize that you are twice their size and that the momentum of physics takes over! Twit!

Leaving Beijing, I made my way to ShenZhen (average a woman:man ratio is 6:1, not usually my kind of fun place but their monthly income is $35 so I have more Lancome than they do...I win!). The market there was a riot. One (slightly overdressed Verlene) enters and goes over to this holding pen with lots of cute chickens, ducks and even live (and very poisonous) snakes. Well, one picks the cute little fella that you want and they take him over to the "Professional Killers". (I would love to know how you qualify for this job! Is there a "Professional Killers" association? Does one get a special certification?) Anyway, right there in front of you, they KILL the animal, throw it into boiling water and take the feathers off.

You know, I NEVER want to hear about you people complaining when the A&P runs out of EVIAN. EVER!

After the market scare, I suffered on a diet of things called "Sea Blubber", "Tripe" or "Pork Elbow (shaved)"... Give me a "Wendy's" PLEASE! I use the "I do not eat pork" on many an occasions when they try and tempt me with pig-parts! Of course, I dear not order any desert called "Custurd".

You people have no idea how difficult this life can be!

The other joy of my life is entertaining these Asian Businessmen. I have suffered through a 2 hour massage (again, no "sexy" massage, please) and right now I am in Tokyo and not looking forward to a dinner with these lecherous Japanese businessmen. Can you imagine that they serve "no-Pan shabu-shabu"...basically a dish, shabu-shabu that the "waitresses" serve with NO PANTies? I try and imagine the hygiene lessons that go hurtling out the door! These are the same people who do unspeakable things as they rub against you on the subway!

It's not easy being me; but me, well I'm easy! - Verlene, somewhere in Asia, 1998.

I dumped my burning radioactive skeleton in the trash before returning to Singpaore.

I must run

Jackie M. has promised to write and I expect that you all will do the same at Verlene@datalounge.com.

Viagara Curious Verlene!