Out-trashed by an INTERN! August 7, 1998 (and more)
I just have one question: What kind of nasty trailer park white trash (present company expected!) would keep a soiled dress hanging in her closet for YEARS? Judging from her size I would think that Ms. L should spend just a little less time at the Krispy Kreme and a little more at the Kwik Kleen! I think that she is taking this Star F*_K thing a little too seriously!
Maybe now you understand why I moved out of the country. I am hearing that full-page ads are out against our community and the President can't even get ahead/a head. What is going on with everyone?
Well when last we chatted (OK, I chatted, you rolled your eyes!) this Diva was on her way to attend the grand opening of the Hong Kong Airport. As some of you may know from the press, it was complete FIASCO. My plane arrived to discover that there were no steps available to disembark. I had visions of me sliding my cellulite cheeks down those chutes, with my wig box and highball, clutched to my ample bosom, my flowered dress fluttering up around my hips, the pumps held perilously high in the air to keep those spikes from puncturing the chute, my new Nana Mouskouri horn-rimmed glasses splattered with raindrops, the mouth pursed in a tiny "oh" of disapproval for the inconvenience and the beehive - oh, the beehive. Sistah Juci could make a mint ,selling tickets to the natives for the sheer spectacle of it all.
I spent 3 hours on board (avec aperitifs) before they could pull me out of the plane. After the first couple of drinks, I think that everyone stopped hyperventilating! It just got worse from there. If you have ever traveled on a train that they have had to stop and reboot (I swear...CRTL-ALT-DEL)? Then you have not lived! I am beginning to hate Hong Kong with a passion.
Enough of that place! I took a side trip to Beijing (yet another Airport from hell, but at least they know it!). Had a fun at the Beijing opera. Actually with all the screaming, howling and garish make-up, I thought that I was back in the bar in Raleigh ... well except there are far more plot twists and turns, and vicious, slandering, evil characters IN THE BAR! At least in Beijing they do not have a monthly "Final Performance" of the same star. Maybe it's time to put the dresses up and let the old girl retire in peace.
The Raleighwood Trailer Park Estates reports a stupendous year for the Crape Myrtle. Our VERY own Rhonda Rooter (Rhoda's VERY much younger sister) has been appointed to the imperial throne as the Co-Queen. Our little Chrissy Shoo Shoo did a BANG up job with this years party and I hope that she gets some rest and comes to visit soon! I guess that all those years with that thigh master paid off!
The decor and ambience were reported to be great (the little decorating queen can DO some stuff with a glue gun!) and tons of money was raised. In addition some of the old prissy queens came back with their checkbooks open (and purses for the canapes, I am sure! Crikes can they complain about the food!)
My field reporters tell me that all the local pestilence was out in full force. Propping up the Martini bar! Standing in line for the bathroom! It's not the Ark; you do not go in two by two! You people have problems and Betty Ford can help you! You can deny it, and call me what you wish but the fact of the matter is that this is your problem! Not mine. Your "fabulous" life...just isn't!
[Sound of soapbox being kicked aside]
Due to several pending legal matters I am no longer allowed to mention the names of these folks...but do I really have to? While they played, I was attending a performance by Kitaro and meditating.
On a lighter note: While in China I did get quite caught up in the world cup. Oh my! My World Cup doth runneth over. Yes it was initially the fact that this was the only thing broadcast in English that caught Verl's attention. However, at the end of the first match I realized that I was going to see a mass swapping of sweaty uniform shirts. And there I was, in China, without a VCR in sight! Just call me a soccer mom!
Well, I must run! I am getting ready to go for my facial (thanks to my dear bother for turning me on to this new vice!) I promise you that I will be back home soon. Probably when it is cold and I will be (FINALLY) able to take the full-length rabbit out of storage!
Be good my dears. And call the clinic! Get those shots!