Happy Bunny Year! January 31, 1999 (and more)

Children of the Park,

Thank God it's over! The mad rush of Christmas has ended. Chinese New Year begins with an urgent need to rip down all that was Christmas and swathe everything in red and gold. It looks like a giant Coke can out there!

This is the year of the Bunny. Every 12 years. My year...now, if you know your maths, you may be able to guess my age. Do, and I will never talk to you again. (It's 24. )

Since my pen-to-paper has been a while, and I cannot, for the life of me, make this newsletter into anything but a set of points on my life! Sorry, sue me! So here goes!

On Decorating: The decorations were up in front of my place and I hope that you enjoy them. My Asian trailerpark! Hours with a glue gun and a bedazzler! The park's "theme" this year was a "Fairy Tale" Christmas. I am sure that this is some sort of slur on the largest tenant that they have in the trailerpark. I went downstairs to my bakery and they were proudly advertising a "Family Sized Tart, Ready in one Hour, Book Now!" I was convinced that someone had been gabbing. Later the bakery was advertising "Large Fruity Tart"...I knew I was the talk of the neighborhood.

On Travel: I have just ended a mad dash set of trips that took me right around the world. It was off to Bangkok (x3)(The ex-foliating capital of the world), Hong Kong (X2), San Francisco (X2), Seoul (X3), Kuala Lumpur, NYC (X2), Raleigh and finally Barbados. Nothing like a little circumnavigation.

"Join the company", they said, "See the world" they said...sigh. I bumped into William Cohen in Seoul and realized that I am travelling more that the US Secretary of the Defense (or what ever he does, he was with some LARGE marines so I was a teensy bit little giddy)

On Relaxing: I settled my toes into the sand over Christmas and relaxed for a couple of weeks with the ever-grinning Alana Empty. (That child knows too much and may have to be "silenced"). There was gratuitous nudity (pics available, but not attached), laughs and lotsa lesbians on the island. The every popular Dinah Dash loaned me her copy of "Something About Mary", so I have finally seen the Singapore-edited scenes! Yea!

On NYC (The Big Apple): I stayed at home and watched Jerry Springer and "Home Improvement". (It's my story, and I am sticking to it!). No one told me that those little boys on "Home Improvement" had grown up. I know, call me what you will but...well...oh my. First that little Ricky Martin (know that Menudo means little Change?) and now those Taylor boys. See what you miss in Singapore?

On Bangkok (The Big Mango): Bangkok has proved to be quite trying. I had a huge fight with a taxi driver that ended with me standing, in some little soi (alley) and screaming at the top of my lungs for the police. I thought I was going to be killed as all of the lepers, drug addicts and prostitutes just looked on. It was like being trapped in an Aldomovar movie. And Antonio was nowhere in sight!

The good news is that all of the screaming at small nitnoy's here seems to have reduced my blood pressure to normal. It may also have something to do with the multitude of massages that I treat myself to while in The Big Mango. Oh people, just imagine 1, 2 or 3 kind men working over your aching areas, for an hour or so, for about $15-$20 apiece. (Alana, stop!). Cream Massage, Oil Massage, Aromatherapy ...you can have it all. Yes, sure, they giggle and they seem to be pushing that "Anti-Cellulite" Aromatherapy massage, just a LITTLE too much (are they telling me something?). Massages are my salvation.

On KimChee: In Korea (yep, Kim Chee and Garlic land). I knew that I need a mental break, because on the flight to Seoul, the little kid in font of me crawled under the seat and appeared at my feet. I took my pumps (I was just NOT in the mood for this) and gently nudged (read: "kicked") him back under my seat, and into his row. He did not re-appear.

All the Koreans, onboard, insist on smoking in the non-smoking bathrooms. I just was in no mood to be pleasant. Once we landed, I got into a heated discussion with a security guard, who tried to assert his authority by lewdly fondling his gun. This little twit, in full uniform, hat and boots, did not even reach up to my nipples. It is really hard to respect someone like this. One slap of my carry-on and he would have been off, crying to his mother.

On the kindness of strangers: During my trip to the USA and Barbados, I was sans-auto (a little mis-understanding with the DMV). I would like to thank all of you who drove Miss Verly around and put her up chez toi. That's what friends are for. I would reciprocate if any of you every came to visit!

On English: If you would like a good laugh here in Asia, just look around and read some of the advertisements or signs. I have noticed a sudden desire for them to make two words from one...I stay next to the Grand Can Yon restaurant in Hong ("Good food, reasonable price"), in Bangkok I can order Su Shi, and I recently passed "The Beautiful Church" (the name, not my adjective), where I could attend as a Presby Terian. You really have to watch for these and kinda Mary-Tyler-Moore laugh at the whole thing.

I will wish you all had a Verly Christmas (light on the cake, heavy on the "Ponca de Crema") and a brilliant 1999.

The Verlenium Approaches! Book early!


P.S. For those of you who have not "renewed" your free subscription, this will be the last message that you receive. If you would like to continue hearing from me, just write and tell me so. To those of you who have replied, you are on the list...fear not! Bless you on your road differently traveled...