Onward

Walloped Nipples

Dearest Trudy,

Thank you so much for the inspiring response to my latest calling card... it has truly uplifted my day! You are an inspiration to us all, my dear sweet Hershey's Kiss.

It is true: One must make her life fabulous for herself. It doesn't just happen, like those annoying credit card statement that just sort of happen every month. Had I only read your note before that thing that I once would have called a date but now only call a fiasco on Monday night.

You see, I've been speaking with this very intriguing lawyer for a few weeks now on the phone and Monday night I went to his house to watch that ultra-tide movie, Priscilla (which my dearest friend Nylda sent me for my 22 birthday). I knew I liked his personality and the only question that remained was if that physical spark would ignite or fizzle upon meeting for the first time.

I drove up the circular drive and like a beacon of what I should have taken to be bad news considering it's miserable history, I saw the glowing tower of the Biltmore hotel, once owned by Al Capone and once a hospital during the war (in both cases many people suddenly found themselves dead there). I knocked on the door... the moment of truth was upon me!

But instead, he yelled out for me to come in and make myself comfortable as he was finishing up in the shower. I did so and ten minutes later this old man walked in... I looked at him and then looked behind him to see if his son, the 26 year old lawyer I'd been speaking to all this time, would walk in next. Nope. But like a good girl I chose to stay and possibly develop a platonic relationship with this very nice man.

I however did have to dodge his attempts all night and was doing very well at it (thank god for my glass of orange juice which I leaned forward to grab and subsequently missed his arm more than once) until he just let loose and walloped on my nipple and began sucking on my ear. I double elbowed him, stood up, and left.

But all this is unnecessary... what I wanted to tell you was that the next morning I read your response to my whiny little note and was inspired to make my life fabulous and not just let things happen as they will. So that evening I went out with David for the first time and I had a wonderful time. I never would have gone without your inspiration though because he's afraid to make the first move -- just as I was. But now I realize only I can make my life fabulous. So I called him, asked him to a movie, and we went and had a most relaxing evening.

However, nothing romantic really happened. Sadly I leave for two weeks on Saturday and won't be able to see any of my men until I return in January. But I have decided to call him again tonight and ask him to dinner. What balls this little girl has suddenly developed?!

In any case, I owe it all to you! You, dear sweet thing that spawned a new Marquessa, have given me what I lacked. You are like the Wizard of Oz bestowing gifts upon those of us who were not born so complete as you.

Thank you! I too love you more than a bunch of things!
Air Kisses, High and to the Right,

the Marquessa Areta von Kass - Jeffrey