Today

Trudy leaves the TV on when she passes out at night and I am stuck with those late-night infomercials. Info? Figure that one out. But last week went way beyond any late-night spot I'd ever seen. San Diego became the site of the largest informercial, bigger than the Topsy Tail, bigger than the Ronco Dehydrator. The impact of the whole thing really hit when "Liddy" Dole (what is she, a pineapple ring?) "broke ground" (she didn't use the teleprompter) with "innovative" (she had some expression) tribute to her partner/husband. I still think that Dionne Warwick would have fit in better not only with the other speakers but with the whole leap-of-faith, check-reality-at-the-door theme. Hey, I've never been fooled by phony pyschics.

But come on, the whole thing was a cheesey, late-night "come-buy-me". All those unctious, white male humans with their poodle-like second wives. All of them clapping - very impressed and "moved" - at the freak-show assemblage of disableds and people of color who could almost believably parrot the speeches the behind-the-sceners had written for them.

And just like a good infomercial, the audience kept clapping. Even though nothing said on stage made any sense, even though it stank of two-faced lies, even though it didn't even jive with the rabid views of the 93% white, 70% radical right crowd. They just kept clapping. Kind of like when I get into the kibble bag uninvited ... but man do I hurt later.

Republicans are inclusive. Welfare is worse than poverty. Cutting taxes for the rich benefits everyone. Suspending the Constitution fights crime. Ronald Reagan was a hero. The United Nations is evil. Only missles can protect us. Giving money to private schools helps education. 1930 was America at its best. And best of all, that old stinking, steaming turd of election-time logic that gets America's mouths watering - if we cut your taxes, we can pay for everything we promise AND balance the budget.

And Trudy worries about me stinking up the house with my digestive troubles. Hello, it doesn't get stinkier than this.

Although there are the Democrats ... speaking of which ...

Bowel Report
Trudy took me in for what her friends referred to as a high colonic. I can't really see paying for the privilege, but it seems to have worked for the moment. Yet, I can be so fickle.